I AM

I rediscovered this song the other day & just had to share it with you! such precious truths... What comfort and peace and joy is found in the real knowledge of our God! I long to be changed by knowing His love more deeply. Will you pray with me that I will remain in Christ? Because He alone is truth.

"Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest
The tide can change so fast,
But I will stay
The same through the past,
The same in future, same today

I am constant; I am near
I am peace that shatters all your secret fears
I am holy; I am wise
I'm the only one who knows your heart's desires
Your heart's desires

Oh weary, tired and worn,
Let out your sighs
And drop that heavy load you hold
Cause Mine is light

I know you through and through;
There's no need to hide
I want to show you love
That is deep and high and wide

Oh gently lay your head
Upon my chest
And I will comfort you
Like a mother while you rest"

~Jill Phillips

Jesus, Lover of my soul

"it's all about You, Jesus. and all this is for You. for Your glory and Your name. it's not about me, as if You should do things my way. You alone are God, and i surrender."

it's really happening!!!

this time in two weeks i'll be flying over the pacific ocean on my way to New Zealand. to live. and be on staff with campus crusade/tandem ministries. crazy!! i've been waiting & preparing & looking toward this day for SUCH a long time. and now it's almost here. it feels very surreal! i'm excited. really excited. and about a million other things too. :)

God is good. He has guided & led me so tenderly & purposefully over the past 2 years since coming home from STINT. it's incredible to look back on all that He has done. i never could have imagined what these past few years would look like, but now in hindsight, it's an amazing sight to see. it wasn't all easy. in fact, much of the past 2 years have been just plain hard. but i wouldn't trade any of it. in fact, it was in those hard seasons that i experienced the most precious fellowship with the Lord. He has shown me new depths of His faithfulness & great treasures in His word. He has given me a beautiful picture of true community. He has helped me truly believe & know that He is good, that He does not withhold from us. He has uncovered sin in my heart & reminded me of the unparalleled beauty of the gospel. He has taught me all over again that my hope is Jesus; He is my life.

as i prepare to move to NZ, will you please pray with me that my heart will treasure Christ above all things? may He alone be my portion & my very great Reward.

"O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! O fear the Lord, you His saints; for to those who fear Him there is no want. The young lions do lack and suffer hunger; but they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing." ~Ps. 34:8-10

real Life

"The prodigal was never safer than when he was driven to his father's bosom, because he could find sustenance nowhere else. Our Lord favours us with a famine in the land that it may make us seek after himself the more. The best position for a Christian is living wholly and directly on God's grace-still abiding where he stood at first-"Having nothing, and yet possessing all things." Let us never for a moment think that our standing is in our sanctification, our mortification, our graces, or our feelings, but know that because Christ offered a full atonement, therefore we are saved; for we are complete in him. Having nothing of our own to trust to, but resting upon the merits of Jesus-His passion and holy life furnish us with the only sure ground of confidence. Beloved, when we are brought to a thirsting condition, we are sure to turn to the Fountain of Life with eagerness."
~from a commentary on blueletterbible.org

a few praises & prayer requests

this past week i was so excited to see the Lord answer prayer & bring me to 90% of my monthly financial goal! thank you for praying!! my remaining monthly need is just $450 - we are SO close! also, my remaining special needs expenses are about $2000 for this first year, & another $2000 for years 2 & 3. i recently spoke with my support coach about setting a departure date & we're in the midst of sorting that out. he would like to see a bit more of my special needs come in, and for me to be a little closer with the monthly amount, before purchasing a ticket.

will you please pray for wisdom as i continue conversations with my coach, the international campus staff (ICS) coordinators, & my campus director in NZ? pray for wisdom as we discuss timing. pray that we will hear from the Lord, that i will submit to Him first & their leadership as well.

the NZ unis are currently in the middle of their second semester - school ends October 17th. it's fairly crucial that i arrive before the semester ends - our women's ministry is particularly affected as the 2 current American STINT girls will be returning to the US, & the other kiwi staff woman will be preparing for & gone on a summer project to East Asia. my team is praying i can be there asap to begin building relationships with the female students before the end of the school year. this will make a big difference in transitioning into our summer ministry & using the summer as a strategic time to cast vision for & develop our student leaders for the coming school year. then, i will be helping to lead our summer bible study along with two other kiwi staff guys from my team.

so, with that said, i am so grateful for your continued prayers. the Lord is teaching me heaps about waiting on Him...i know that His timing is perfect. i look back over this past year & see countless examples to confirm that fact. but right now it's a challenge to truly believe & take Him at His word. to put faith into action. please pray that i seek the Lord first, that i am quick to recognize & take captive to Christ thoughts that breed worry & fear & anxiety in my heart. His word is pure & trustworthy. pray that i fill my mind with His truth & feed daily on His faithfulness.

"trust in the Lord & do good. dwell in the land and feed on His faithfulness." Ps. 37:3

learning to ask the Father

"Whether we like it or not, asking is the rule of the kingdom - 'Ask and ye shall receive.' It is a rule that never will be altered in anybody's case. Our Lord Jesus Christ is the elder brother of the family, but God has not relaxed the rule for Him. Remember this text: Jehovah says to His own Son, 'Ask of Me, and I will give Thee the nations for Thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for Thy possession.' If the Royal and Divine Son of God cannot be exempted from the rule of asking that He may have, you and I cannot expect the rule to be relaxed in our favor. God will bless Elijah and send rain on Israel, but Elijah must pray for it. If the chosen nation is to prosper, Samuel must plead for it. If the Jews are to be delivered, Daniel must intercede for it. God will bless Paul, and the nations shall be converted through him, but Paul must pray. Pray he did without ceasing: his epistles show that he expected nothing except by asking for it. If you may have everything by asking, and nothing without asking, I beg you to see how absolutely vital prayer is, and I beseech you to abound in it. "
~C.H. Spurgeon

timing.

this seems to be the big question ringing in my ears as of late. when will i reach 90% in order to buy a plane ticket? when will i leave for nz? when, when, when...

today it's been difficult to trust the Lord with timing. or maybe it's really trusting Him with the fact that i don't know. and i want to know. i am so easily convinced that i should have it figured out. but i don't. please pray that i just keep seeking Jesus. for He doesn't merely lead the way.

He is the Way.

x-track

day 1.

12 hours after entering the st. louis airport, i arrive at our summer "home". it's an AWESOME apartment!! already, such a gift from the Lord and an answered prayer: our living space is restful & refreshing, with room to spread out and just "be".

and as for today and the storm delays that "threw us off" schedule...well, i think maybe the Lord just wanted me to sit in one place for awhile, and get my heart ready.

one quick prayer request: every major physical injury from the past 5 years seem to be suddenly flaring up...the Starbucks wrist, a root canal/crown from years ago, my knee, and lower back. i don't know if this is spiritual warfare, or a test from the Lord...either way, please pray for healing/relief, but ultimately that i will have a thankful heart and lean into the Lord! thank you!!

and we're off...

well, as i'm packing up things in the apartment and preparing to leave for x-track this weekend, i figure it's about time to start updating! as of this evening, the Lord brought my monthly financial support to 86%!! $637/month to go. yay! 82% was the last thing i knew when i went to sleep the night before...and yet, He was not surprised by the new support that came in today. so why was i?? He knew all along. He is faithful.

and yet, i struggle to believe. in fact, my deceitful heart is prone to unbelief. which is why sometimes, like today, i am overwhelmed with gratitude for the Lord's goodness. Lord, help my unbelief! He is always the provider, always merciful, always holy, always good, always love, always steadfast, always faithful, always just. if He treated me as i deserve i wouldn't be here today. my life is as a blade of grass: here today, gone tomorrow, and no one even remembers its place. and still, He knows me. He knows my frame. He knows I am but dust. and as a Father, He has compassion on His children.

what a beautiful God.